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_________________________________________19 Sep, 1998____
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1. Table of Contents
1. Table of Contents
2. EdiSTORial by Dizzy
3. Quest for the Dragon (Part one of three) by Atreana
4. Life in Jail by DrStrange
5. *Avatar News* by Flute
6. "A Blade Charade" by Alisal
2. EdiSTORial (by Dizzy)
[How many of you caught it? EdiSTORial isn't a typo (though I've
certainly had my share of those)....its descriptive of the content of my
weekly column. The idea for the little story that follows came from a late
night IMMortal conversation that was all over the road. We talked about
True Believers, President Clinton, Biblical Archeology, the Best Flavor of
UNIX, game mechanics, and the relative merits of Butter Pecan milkshakes.
Actually, the milkshake conversation didn't make it to the IMM channel
(not to be confused with the Animal Channel on cable TV), but it was so
good that it deserved air time. In any case, Rev said that she had the
gate to Eden right in her backyard....imagination took over...-- Diz]
When I was a boy, carefree and innocent, I'd quietly and respectfully
listen to the elders around the evening fire. Their stories of far away
places and exotic happenings burned in my heart and made me yearn for life
that encompassed far more adventure and far less innocence. I wanted to
fill up my life with Fencing, Fighting, Torture, Poison, True love, Hate,
Revenge, Giants, Hunters, Bad men, Good men, Beautifulest ladies, Snakes,
Spiders, Beasts of all natures and descriptions, Pain, Death, Brave men,
Cowardly men, Strongest of men, Chases, Escapes, Lies, Truths, Passion,
and Miracles (shamelessly "borrowed" from William Goldmans excellent
retelling of The Princess Bride (the good parts version)).
My inclination to walk on the adventuresome side was a source of endless
worry to my mother and even caused her hair to grow white and eventually
fall out all together (examining my own bald pate I'm struck with the
"what ye sow, ye shall also reap" universal principal). Nevertheless, my
childish quests amounted to little more than "flying" from our thatched
roof, and hacking at straw "giants" with a wooden sword. And then one
I'd ranged far from home that day. In fact, I was convincing myself that I
was a hardened veteran of the Orc Wars instead of "the sweet boy" everyone
in my neighborhood called me. You can only imagine my horror at dad
yodeling out, "sweeeeetttt Boooooyyyyy" at dinner time, as my friends
mockingly hooted after me. Dear Lord, it was unbearable for the hardened
veteran that I (imagined I) was. The sun was past it's zenith and I was
past the point of hunger....and just passing the realization that I was
completely lost. No prison escapee, upon hearing the baying of hounds,
has ever felt more panic than I did at that moment.
After a few minutes of well thought out blubbering and screaming, I picked
up my trusty wooden sword, wiped the tears from my grimy face (which
stirred just enough water into the dirt to make a passable mud pie on each
cheek... the pie analogy reminded me of how hungry I was and threatened to
send me off into another crying jagh (forgive me).
"Here now, whats all this?", came a voice ringing through my head that
sounded friendly, powerful, and was the deepest bass I'd ever heard. My
first thought was that I'd wandered so far from home that I must be in
London and an English constable was about to arrest me for mud pie baking
without a license. But, upon turning around, I saw instead, an Angel.
"I'm Michael" he said with a smile. "I'm a trained, highly skilled, and
dangerous killer", I replied. "Oh yes, certainly! Anyone can see that
quite plainly", he said with a piercing glance that left me with the
impression that he truly believed what he'd said.
Michael stood between two pillars of gold that framed a gate shaped like a
valve and carved from a single giant pearl. Inscribed on the archway
above was the word, "Eden". In a flash my hunger and weariness drained
away, and the natural flame of a youngster's curiosity burned brightly as
I fired question after question at Michael. For his part, he seemed
delighted to speak to me about everything from Angel food cake to how to
skewer a dragon without getting toasted. By my internal clock, we talked
for two or three hours, and it was past time for me to get back home.
With a jaunty wave and a new spring in my step, I turned to discover my
way home, only to find the day much brighter than I remembered it, and
that I was standing a stone's throw from my own back door! With my eyes
open wide, and an "O" of surprise on my lips (which gave a remarkably good
impression of a fish out of water)(which is a remarkably good analogy for
what I was), I turned back to Michael to see if he was appreciating the
miracle that stood before me.
Michael was leaning against the left pillar, and he'd left his flaming
sword leaning against the right one. He winked and grinned, pointed to my
back door and said, "You've been gone a full year by mundane reckoning...
if you find that you no longer fit in here, just call my name out
loud....and next time, I'll show you some things on the other side of this
gate. Things that are reserved especially for trained, highly skilled, and
3. Quest for the Dragon (Part one of three) by Atreana
This is a common sight in Thalos - the talented minstrel, Thomas, and his
small band winding their way down the streets, spreading their tales in
song of far off lands, battles won, lives lost, and glory gained. The
children of the city love to follow along dancing and weaving in and out
among the troupe of musicians creating a parade of music and laughter
through the narrow cobblestone streets of the town. Being too young to
grasp it all, the children do not understand the significance of these
little parades. They do not yet realize that these songs instill in them
the stories of their proud history and transform them into bearers of the
knowledge that will be passed down throughout the generations.
This particular day Thomas spins a ballad to honor the noble Lords who
fight to protect their beloved homeland, Midgaardia, that it might
flourish and prosper. The ballad speaks of a recent triumphant event among
the Lords - a victorious quest, the significance of which shook the Realm
of Avatar and its impact felt on many planes from Midgaardia to as far off
as the beautiful Citadel Arcadia and beyond.
Every Arcadian citizen, young and old, knows well the tales of Devastant,
the mysteriously elusive and powerful being, who molded the fabric of the
universe to create the Arcadian plane. He is revered in every holy place
in the citadel. Over time, tales of his creation and his deeds spread far
and wide beyond Arcadia and had reached even the most remote areas of
As often happens with stories passed down by word of mouth from travelers,
details were embellished and rearranged; truths were omitted. The story
that finally reached Midgaardia was an outlandish yarn about a young
mischievous God, who enjoyed trying the patience of the elder Gods. Hoping
to stir up some trouble, he entrusted to a mere mortal, secret Immortal
plans and maps that held information about an undiscovered plane and a
brilliant object, the likes of which has never been seen by mortals. It
was reported this object emitted a strong glowing light and had untold
powers. This tale was not taken at all seriously by Midgaardians of
course and had become a favorite bedtime story for the children.
This was all to change though when one Lord returned home to Thorngate
from a journey to Midgaardia with the knowledge that there was more to
this bedtime story that meets the eye.
4. Life in Jail by DrStrange
Well well well. It seems like I seem to have gotten into a little trouble
with the law. I don't understand this system, as it is new to me. I am
from a system where you are put on trial first, then sent to jail. Here,
it seems, I just went straight to jail. Sometimes I was just executed.
At first I had the money to buy my way out of jail, and then other times
the jailer liked me, and let me go. Then one day, he got mad. I forgot
to bring him flowers. Needless to say he was very upset.
While I sat in jail, I was able to think about many things. What I had
done, what I hadn't, what I wish I had done. I looked back at my life,
and some parts I was not happy about, others I couldn't stop smiling or
laughing about. I realized that life was just as fun as you make it. So
after being in jail many times, I have decided to change that way of life.
Many friends were made while in jail. Most just came and went, as they
had the money to get out or they remembered to bring flowers to the
jailer. Many times we shared funny moments. The jail seemed to get
cramped at times with people. At one point, there were six people
including myself. Like most places here, all was co-ed. For some reason,
females decided to break the law, just to talk to me. I could not believe
it when I saw them get thrown in jail.
The showers were not too nice, as there was only one in the jail, and we
all had to take turns. Of course, being polite, I would turn my back when
the females would shower. During that time, I would read a book or just
think about life. The jailer on the other hand, wasn't as polite all the
time, but I would distract him from drooling all over himself.
After a while, the jailer got mad at me. He started singing songs like,
"You don't bring me flowers.... Anymore" Of course I apologized to him,
saying things like it wasn't flower season or they were all dead. All he
said was that I was the one who was going to be dead. Sure enough he was
right. I was sent straight to death row.
A couple times I was able to escape the executioners dreaded axe from
playing sick. A friend would be sick when he was thrown in jail and
because the living areas are so cramped, I got sick. When I was taken to
the executioner, he thought I would die fr om disease, and not his axe.
He was wrong. Lucky for me, I am knowledgeable about medicines.
My first execution was one to remember. I was sitting on death row,
thinking about what I will miss most about my life. Then suddenly, the
jailer walks in and says, "DrStrange you will die in one hour." He then
shouts it out to everyone to come watch my death. As he takes me to be
executed, he was always picking his nose. That must be one itch that he
can't get rid of.
As I got up to the block, the executioner told me, "Say hello to my little
friend." I started to laugh, cause his little friend was this gigantic
axe! The blade of the axe was at least three feet in height, and four
feet across. It was sharp, so sharp that it seemed to cut the air which
winced every time the axe was swung into the air.
The jailer with a big grin, stated how he loved his job. I just mooned
him. What is going to happen I thought? I mean I am already going to get
executed. He then asked, "Today is a good day to die, no?" I replied,
"Nah my schedule is a little full right now, how bout tonight?" His
reply was muffled cause the executioner swung his axe up and then down on
my neck. All went black.
When I woke up, I thanked the kind Immortals for restoring my life. I was
sitting up on a cloud, and this guy was sitting there smiling. He offered
me a candle, but I declined. He then said, "Are you sure? I have an
unlimited supply of them and can't leave till I get rid of all of them."
I felt bad for him, so I took a couple. I went down off the cloud and
gave the candles to someone who needed them more than I did.
I went back to my corpse, and picked up all of my equipment. The
executioner was there, smiling of course. So were a lot of people. I
realized that my head was chopped off and was laying there on the ground.
I quickly patted my head that was attached, and breathed a sigh of relief.
Then someone decided it would be cool to have a little prize from my
death, so they took my head.
I smiled around to everyone, and I noticed that more people wanted a head
of DrStrange. I thought to myself, "Ah death wasn't that bad, I can do it
again. I should make these people happy." So what did I do? I broke the
law again of course.
By that time the jailer and I were on a first name basis. I called him
Billy, and he called me Dr. For some reason he never understood why Dr
wasn't really my first name, and was just a title. I explained to him
that it wasn't my first name, but he just threatened me so I shut up.
Well after being arrested 100 times, I was on a first name basis with the
executioner too. For some reason he looked familiar like an imm or two,
but never was. He said his name was Alex. I just laughed the first time,
and he cut my head off. So I went back there and explained what I meant.
He asked "What is wrong with the name Alex?" I just told him it was a
girls name. Of course his reply was cutting off my head.
So I went back and told him that it is a guys name, but also a girls name.
He then asked, "Well what name do you think I should change it to?" I sat
there long and hard, thinking about what a good name for him would be. I
came up with numerous names, but he didn't like any and just cut my head
off each time.
Every now and then, before he would cut off my head, he would tell me
something. This varied from "Snikt sends his regards" to "This will hurt
me more than it will hurt you" All of these of course were just lies. I
truly doubt that Snikt would send his regards. That would be like Malyse
apologizing for slaying someone two hundred some-odd times. Both are
something that aren't going to happen.
So anyway, now that I am the ultimate outlaw, I am giving up this way of
life. One hundred arrests, doesn't look to good on my resume and most of
the ladies don't seem to like the "bad" guy anymore. If you are thinking
about getting arrested, don't. It isn't worth it. Your friends come and
go in there, and you get nothing but a bunch of your heads littering the
mud. I must say, it was fun, but I would not do it again. As I said
before, I had a lot of time to think about things that I have done. Some
I would do over again, others I wouldn't.
The moral of this story is: If you are afraid to do something, do it
anyway. Always go for what you want. The worst that happens is you fail,
and failing is not that bad. Keep your expectations lower, more
achievable so that you don't assume you fail all the time. If you keep
your expectations high, you can only think you failed if you don't get all
of what you expected.
5. *Avatar News* by Flute
Happy birthday to Zestia who celebrated a birthday on the 14th of
September. Also Darii and Drizzt shared a birthday this week. Happy
belated birthday to both of you for the 17th September..
Ninjax and Wandek decided to leave the heroes behind and morph into
Lords.. and SheHulk, Kayle, SwordDancer and Khris became heroes this week,
Congratulations to you all.
Falan and Nilmit started a new life together as MudHusband and MudWife
this week. Best wishes go out to you both.
*If you have any news you think is worth sharing such as weddings and
birthdays and would like it mentioned in the Gazette you can leave flute a
personal note on avatar or e-mail her on firstname.lastname@example.org
Some late breaking news
Swiftsword celebrated his birthday too on the19th September
6. "A Blade Charade" by Alisal
Either to please me,
Or only to tease me.
Impossible to know
The game of chance
'Til it has brilled
Once or twice,
As I have willed.
I toss the dice,
pray for enchants.
The Avatar Gazette is what you've just been reading, and it is the
official newsletter of Avatar, it is published weekly by Dizzy, in
conjunction with The Avatar Staff.(Original concept by Asamaro).
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