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Gazette 1999-01-02
Articles | Archives | Gazette | 1999 Gazettes | Gazette 1999-01-02
     ___The Official AVATAR___________________________________
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       /  _____/ _____   ________  ____ _/  |_ _/  |_   ____  
      /     ___ __    ____  /_/ __ \   __\   ___/ __  
          _   / __ _ /    /   ___/ |  |   |  |    ___/ 
       ______  /(____  //_____  ___  >|__|   |__|   ___  >
              /      /       /     /                   / 
     _________________________________________02 Jan, 1999____

         _    |
          `   ~ )Telnet to Avatar at: avatar.walrus.com 3000   
            -  //         Visit the Avatar web page at:
       ,,.--(_ ("""'^.     http://www.walrus.com/~avatar
      ;;( ,___, ,/~`;   
     ;' )/>/  '--,      
        | `   |"       
        "   "  "
     1.  Table of Contents

          1. Table of Contents
          2. Editorial by Dizzy 
          3. New year's Conversation by Saphira 
          4. Darii's Amazing Fudge by Darii 
          5. A Scientific Inquiry into Santa Clause (Spy Magazine, 1972)
          6. Immortal Bio: Knolan (as told to Ukiah) 

     2. Editorial (by Dizzy)

I grow older and progressively more handsome every day, and, find myself
tending to think back fondly on the Good Old Days. For those of you who
haven't been exposed to anyone over the age of 40, allow me to explain
about the Good Old Days:

- You had to walk barefoot through driving snow to MUD School.  

- Weapon selection was easier back then: shortswords or longswords.

- We didn't have armor as such, we usually held fig leaves over the soft
bits and hoped for the best. 

- Fancy room descriptions were unheard of. When you entered a room it
would say, "This is a cave", or, "This is not a cave, but certainly
resembles a cave", or, "You are in a wooden hut, but it feels just like a

- Quests consisted of an IMMortal "RESTORE ALL" every 10 seconds
over a five minute period. It was a poor man's HoG, and many many many
died, but golly it was fun.  

- After we gained a level, we'd remove all of our eq and run naked through
an unfamiliar area to catalogue and cartograph it. The atmosphere was cool
and the breeze refreshing. We traded maps through email and told the most
outrageous lies about our latest runs. 

- We programmed function keys because there was no such thing as a mud
client. Then tintin came along, and we discovered triggers (#act
{anything}{do these actions}). Real MUDders still use tintin, and like fig
leaves: hope for the best. 

- There were about 20 areas total. You had to walk everywhere, and it was
always uphill (in both directions). 

- The words Manticore or Kracken struck fear in the hearts of the most
grizzled veterans.

- Death Traps.

Since I'm in such a nostalgic mood, and because I'm still feeling a little
Christmasy, AND because I didn't get everything into my last edition; here
are some traditional Avatar articles that we always send out this time of


     3. New year's Conversation by Saphira 

[Ed: Umm, this isn't one of those traditional articles I mentioned, but I
thought enough of it to include it in this issue - Diz]

Yagnip asks, 'Hey Viz, you know what is coming up?'
Viznabilioki says, 'Yeah, New Year's Day, short are the days of 98'
Yagnip exclaims, 'Think of all the things that are to come!'
Viznabilioki ponders the concept.

Yagnip says, 'New newbies to expand our MUD...'
Viznabilioki says, 'Only more CR'z on my agenda...'

Yagnip says, 'More wonderful levels for everyone...'
Viznabilioki says, 'The more I look for the town criers address and a
sharpened sword...'

Yagnip says, 'Lowmorts joining the ranks of the heroes...'
Viznabilioki says, 'only more people complaining about not having perfect

Yagnip says, 'More improvements on our classes!'
Viznabilioki says, 'More complaints about imperfect all powerful classes...'

Yagnip says, 'Numerous restores for us all...'
Viznabilioki says, 'Less people that have chat channel...'

Yagnip says, 'Heroes joining the Lords!'
Viznabilioki says, 'Less people with infoset -Death due to Lord-CR spam...'

Viznabilioki chuckles to himself.

Yagnip says, 'More Someones offering spellups for only a beep...'
Viznabilioki says, 'More people with NoBeep on...'

Yagnip says, 'More heroes expressing their interesting opinions openly on
Viznabilioki thanks the all mighty NoteGods we have note catchup.

Yagnip says, 'More people educated in the ways of aliases..'
Viznabilioki says, 'More triggers to mess up!'
Viznabilioki cackles with insane glee!

Yagnip says, 'New gears added to the MUD...'
Viznabilioki says, 'The less use of the locate object spell'

Yagnip says, 'More mobs to gain exp upon...'
Viznabilioki says, 'More spammy shouting mobs!'

Yagnip says, 'More of the cute furb.. err...'
Viznabilioki says, 'Don't mention the furby word, or it might get imped as a
race!', in Furbish.
Viznabilioki says, 'Thank the good Daemon Snikt we live in a furby-less world,
Yagnip says, 'What a guy! Single handedly fighting off the essence of pure
Viznabilioki says, 'Buttering up Snikt, eh?'
Yagnip says, 'You're right, strawberry jelly is better...'

     4. Darii's Amazing Fudge by Darii

[Ed: Make this. RIGHT NOW!  It is without a doubt the best fudge on any of
the worlds I've visited. - Diz]

Recipes from Darii's Kitchen Peanut Butter Fudge

2 cups sugar
3 heaping Tablespoons dry unsweetened cocoa powder
(Hershey's, in brown plastic "tin")
1/2 cup water
1 cup smooth or crunchy peanut butter
(the real thing not reduced fat!)
a saucepan
a buttered 8" square pan (or 9" or pie plate)
a candy thermometer or tall glass cold water
(see below if you do not have a thermometer)

Mix: sugar and cocoa until all one color (in a saucepan)
Add: water and stir 'til uniform
Scrape sides and place on burner at medium high.
--->DO NOT STIR until you remove it from heat or it will
turn to concrete....honest! I've done it...*sigh*
Cook until just below soft ball stage
Working rapidly, remove from heat, and stir in the peanut
butter very quickly, pouring out into the buttered pan
before or just as it begins to harden. This happens VERY
quickly! If you don't blend it all in, your fudge will
have peanut butter pockets a la Reese's. (You can also
spoon "glumps" of pb into the pan at intervals and pour
the fudge OVER them, for the same "pocket" effect.)
Cut into pieces when it has "set" a bit, but before it is
totally hardened.

Do not use "health," "low fat," or "natural" peanut butter.
just use ordinary Skippy, Peter Pan, or the "house" brand.
Soft ball without a thermometer: get a tall glass of cool
water. using a spoon, drip a bit of the cooking cocoa
mixture in the water. When it clumps together in a soft
mass, it is ready. UNready will be a "floaty" thread. If
it takes a few times, change the water! (DO NOT add this
water to the fudge!! It is just to test temperature!)
Many containers will do: a greased cookie sheet or a sheet
of buttered aluminum foil, even. The fudge "sets" quickly
and will not spread forever.
If it FAILS..and it does from time to time depending on the
humidity, temperature, inexperience of the cook... add some
water, heat and stir it until it is hot fudge consistency,
and store, refrigerated, for ice cream or cake sauce..or add
confectioner's sugar to make cake icing!
A heat-proof rubber spatula (Rubbermaid) is just the best
for this recipe...(also scrambled eggs!)



     5. A Scientific Inquiry into Santa Clause (Spy Magazine, 1972)

[Ed: I've been an Avatar citizen forever, and every year I share this
timeless piece on the existance of Santa. And yes! I DO believe in him. -

Science and Santa: A tenuous fit

    No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of
living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are 
insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which
only Santa has ever seen.

    There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT 
since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and
Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378
million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census)
rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One
presumes there's at least one good child in each.

    Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different
time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west
(which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is
to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has
1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the
chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the
tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get
back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of
these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which,
of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we
will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total
trip of 7501/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us
must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means
that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the
speed of sound. For comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the
Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a
conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

    The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming
that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 lbs.),
the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably 
described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more 
than 300 lbs. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull 
TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. 
We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting
the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this
is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

    353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air 
resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as 
spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer 
will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, 
they will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer 
behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire 
reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, 
meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater 
than gravity. A 250 lb. Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be
pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lbs. of force.

And you thought YOU had a hectic holiday! 

     6. Immortal Bio: Knolan (as told to Ukiah)

Name: Knolan (Trebek) 
Age: (game) A spritely 160, thank you. Age: (RL) You wouldn't believe me 
if I told you. :) 
Race: Human Class: Cleric Current level: 860 

Real Life Interests: Well, I sing, I dance (kinda), I do useless 
knowledge in a big way, I act, I do the whole smartguy thing, I work 
here, I keep my girlfriend happy...that last one should be first, I mean 
let's be truthful. :) 

Advice To Players: I didn't have the concept of level gear until 
around level 10 or so, and when I first started I didn't use my pracs 
until around 5th level or so. Stats are not everything, and I distinctly 
remember being a newbie hero with a really enchanted gauntlets of ogre 
power, and not knowing the concept of "mana gear". The game is here for 
fun, not bickering. Play, kill, be killed, move on, grow here. It's our 
place, enjoy it. But don't trash the couch, please. :)

Where Does Your Name Come From: Actually, this name was lifted from 
Dragon Quest, also known as Baby D&D. Knolan is a cleric that you could 
choose to have accompany you. Figured it was as good as any. :)

Additional comments: If you live in Virginia, and you see a black 626 
with the license plate TRVIA GD, wave and smile. I'll be the only one 
driving, most likely. And I promise, the gesture I make won't be TOO 
rude. :) Also, as an aside, I'm the resident trivia immortal here...ask 
me stuff, I like knowing the answers (and even being stumped, although 
that's a rare occurance these days *wink*). I can also register gear, 
and I'm usually availible if you just want to chat about the mud, or 
what have you. Talk to me, people, I'm here to be of service. :)

     The Avatar Gazette is what you've just been reading, and it is the 
     official newsletter of Avatar, it is published weekly by Dizzy, in 
     conjunction with The Avatar Staff.(Original concept by Asamaro).

     The Gazette is written in plain vanilla ASCII text to ensure that
     everyone can enjoy it regardless of computer type.

     To subscribe to the Gazette, send internet e-mail to
     gazette-request@avatar.walrus.com. In the body of your
     email put:

       subscribe username@hostname (MudName - RealName)
       eg subscribe snikt@walrus.com  (Snikt - Kevin Jagh)

     Your real name is optional for the Gazette list.
       eg subscribe snikt@walrus.com (Snikt)

     You can FTP back issues of the gazette from ftp.walrus.com in

     If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, criticisms,
     compliments, or (best of all) articles that you've written for the
     gazette, please send them to Dizzy via my e-mail address:

     You can also view the latest issue of the Gazette while playing
     Avatar by typing 'help newgaz' anywhere in the game, or by surfing
     our web site!
 Distributed on the Avatar Gazette list ,
 via Walrus, Internet without Limits. Comments and suggestions are
 welcome, use: gazette-owner@avatar.walrus.com. For help send a message
 to: help@avatar.walrus.com

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